


Pathetic.

by velvetix



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 30 Day Haikyuu!! Writing Challenge, Akaashi Keiji Is So Done, Anal Fingering, Anal Play, Anal Plug, Anal Sex, Babysitting, Bokuto Koutarou is a Dork, Bottom Tsukishima Kei, Brokuto, Child Adoption, Cigarettes, Crack, Fluff and Crack, Gay Sex, Glasses, Haikyuu Rarepair Weekend, Haikyuu!! Rare Pair Exchange, Kubroo, KuroTsuki Week, Kuroo Tetsurou is a Good Friend, Lemonnn, M/M, Minor Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Minor Bokuto Koutarou/Kuroo Tetsurou, Minor Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Oikawa and Bokuto oi oi, Slut Tsukki, Smoking, Top Kuroo Tetsurou, Tsukishima Kei is a Dork, Tsukki is done, Underage Smoking, Vibrators, Yaoi, Yaoi as hell, brokuroo, cakes, poor akaashi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-11
Updated: 2016-05-23
Packaged: 2018-06-07 21:09:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6824266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/velvetix/pseuds/velvetix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bokuto and Kuroo getting high and drunk af, Tsukki and Akaashi are done, Oikawa is too pretty for his own good, Mattsun and Makki are dumb as fuck, theres adopted babies involved, cake bake offs, yelling, and smut. A whole bunch of smut...</p><p>Poor you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Cake Bake-Off

"Look at him." Oikawa glares at where Bokuto is expertly mixing ingredients for a chocolate cake. "Fucking look at him." 

"I know. Hes so hot i cant." Kuroo fans himself, making Oikawa look at him weirdly. 

"Im not talking about that, you idiot. " Oikawa hisses at Kuroo." How does he bake? How does he not burn the house down? " Oikawa asks as Bokuto cracks four eggs at once, two eggs in each hand. 

" Hes an awful cook. Bokuto ruined my favorite pan once. He forgot to put oil in and when he remembered he grabbed vinegar instead. Im surprised Bokutos still alive. " Kuroo starts, handing Oikawa their eggs." Im surprised hes a brilliant baker. "

They are baking cakes. Same type of cakes, different teams. The 'judges' have no idea whos cake is whos. The usual. 

Bokuto, with Akaashi on his side, against Oikawa with Kuroo. 

The judges are Tsukki, Makki and Mattsun. 

Its a true show down. 

" AkaASHI" Bokuto yells all of a sudden. Its been so quiet. 

"Damn, boi is so loud. " Makki says to Mattsun, making him start laughing. The laughter continues for a few long seconds. 

" How high are you? " Oikawa comments in Mattsuns direction." Well, you know my measures ... " He starts, this time Makki loosing his mind. 

"You were never good with maths." He says, bursting out of laughter.

"Can i disqualify?" Tsukki says. 

"No. " Kuroo says simply, flashing a smile in Tsukkis direction. 

"Im trying to work here for fucks sake Kuroo!" Oikawa yells when he gets flour all over his (Bokutos) hoodie. 

The cakes are quickly in the oven, not for long though. 

"Ill kill him i promise. " Oikawa says, looking in Bokutos direction. Bokuto is skillfully piping the flowers and details on the white surface, before adding melted chocolate on top in streaks. 

" When will the cake be? " Mattsun whines, Makki following him. 

" Im working on a cake, damn it, it will be over in its own time. " Oikawa explains annoyed. 

"Im working on a better cake!" Bokuto yells, adding final touches to his cake. 

"Fuck you! " Oikawa screeches, throwing a hand full of flour at Bokuto. 

" I'm not cleaning that up. Nope. " Since Kuroo is the best cook and uses the kitchen the most hes in charge of keeping it clean. The love birds are not helping. 

" Aaand its done. " Oikawa and Bokuto say at the same time, staring at each other. 

The pieces are cut out and 'the judges' get a piece of each cake. 

"I cant take this anymore!" Akaashi says. Mattsun and Makki are too wild next to him and hes dying. He angrily takes a bite of each cake. 

"They all taste the fucking same. " He scofs. 

"But Bokutos better of course." He says, quickly leaving the room when Oikawa prepares a flour hand. 

Mattsun grabs the fork and takes a piece of both cakes. "This is the same cake." He furrows his eyebrows. "Why am i eating the same cake twice?"

" What happened? " Makki comments after he tasted both cakes. 

" Tell me my cake is better, mine is better of course. " Oikawa yells from behind the counter. 

" Im eating the same cake, whats the point of this? "

"Lol i just copied what Oikawa was doing." Bokuto says. In the next second his face is full of flour.


	2. Take a look inside, its my dick in a box

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some KuroTsukki ofc

Kuroo entered the house. Everything was dark and empty. No one was home.  
They all probably still had late classes. 

He decided to go to his room because it was already late and hed just spend his evening on the laptop. That will continue until he falls asleep. 

He started walking upstairs, you could say a bit drunkenly. Kuroo had a few drinks with Oikawa, who later went into Mattsun and Makkis apartment. Apparently hes continuing his drinking with them. 

Kuroo wasn't drunk though, alcohol didn't work on him quickly, unless he drank liters. 

As he was climbing, Kuroo noticed the doors of Tsukkis room eere slightly opened. It would be so awesome if Tsukki was home.   
Kuroo walked into his room, firstly scanning the bed. Tsukki always layed on the bed for a while before studying. 

Surprisingly the bed was neatly made, and empty. 

Kuroo got a bit sad for a second, before his eyes started looking around the room. 

Nothing special, until his eyes landed on a black shoe box, laying on the floor. The lid was not put on nicely, and Kuroo knew that Tsukki didnt like having anything in the middle of the room. 

He got closer to it, his intention to close it and put it away. It was a shoe box after all, he expected shoes in it. 

But when his eyes spotted a pink fluff appearing just a little bit, he knew it definitely weren't shoes. 

Kuroo slowly opened the box, only to be deeply surprised by its content. 

Ball gags, tape, ropes, whole bunch of butt plugs, different sizes and color. It kind of hit him when he saw a battery vibrator. 

Kuroos Tsukki was kinky and Kuroo didnt know a thing of it. 

He went trough the box and looked at all the stuff Tsukki put in there. 

"Kuroo? " A voice sounded behind him. Kuroo quickly turned around, a particularly big toy in his hand. Kuroo recovered from the sudden shock. 

" Hey, Tsukki... " He said seductively walking over to him. Tsukkis eyes were filled with terror. 

" Didn't know you were a kinky little shit. "

" I-" Tsukki tried explaining himself, the reason there was a box full of adult toys in the middle of his room. 

"Shhh. " Kuroo shushed him, pressing his lips on Tsukkis neck. 

" Lets put them to use, shall we? " Kuroos hand went around Tsukkis waist, his lips are still sucking on one spot and the bruise is huge. 

The toy that's in Kuroos hand is pressed against Tsukkis lower back. Tsukki yelped out of surprise. His dick is getting harder in his boxers and a wet patch is forming in the front. 

Kuroo is going to make him all whiney and horny.

Kuroo then starts kissing him, kisses getting faster and faster each second. Eventually, Tsukkis back is against the wall and Kuroos arms are deep under his shirt. 

Their kisses are all teeth now, full biting. Tsukki is groaning and Kuroo is pushing him towards the bed. 

Soon they're laying down, Kuroo on top of Tsukki. 

Tsukkis underwear is soon pulled off, but Kuroo doesnt remove it completely.   
He settles it under the cheeks and makes Tsukkis ass look so full. Its unbelievable. 

Tsukki is now on top of Kuroo, grinding down onto Kuroos dick. It got hard quickly and its amazing. 

Tsukki would never admit it, but when a guy gets quickly hard is one of his favorite things. Just knowing someone got hard cause of him is a great feeling. 

"Youre so hot, I can't with you. " Kuroo says when Tsukki continues rubbing down on his bulge, letting out naughty noises everytime his dick pressed against it. 

Kuroos hands reach behind him, grabbing a handful of Tsukkis ass, which is pretty stiff, hes a middle blocker after all. His specialty is jumping. 

His long fingers graze over the rim, slowly pushing in.   
"Fuck... " Tsukki lets out, hissing when Kuroos finger goes in fully in and out. 

" Ill ruin you. " Kuroo whispers, adding another finger in next to this one. Hes gotta prepare Tsukki for the toys of course. His baby has to take them good. 

Tsukki gets off, laying next to him right after, waiting for Kuroo to climb between his spread legs. 

Kuroo does the exact opposite. Hes falling on his knees in front of Tsukki, leaning in and placing kisses on the under parts of his thighs. 

Then, his tongue is out and is plastering over Tsukkis hole, before sucking a bit. Tsukki yells out when the tip of his tongue passes the rim. 

Kuroo goes for a while, not stopping at all. In not time Tsukki is all wet and ready for whats next. 

He stands up and reaches for the box, going over the content. 

Theres so many stuff he wants to try out on poor Tsukki but theres also very little time. 

"Huh? " Kuroo says surprised when he pulls out a vibrator. It has a big head thats supposed to be put on top of something, and then its supposed to start vibrating. 

" This is a female toy Tsukki. " Kuroo says, still kinda confused." How the hell do you use this? "

" It doesnt matter if it feels good. " Tsukki says, kind of sarcastically." Youre just supposed to put it on top. Nothing special. "

" Like this? " Kuroo says and puts the vibrating head on top of Tsukkis dick. Kuroo gets his answer when Tsukki starts letting moans out. 

Tsukkis hand goes for his dick, trying to rub or at least hold it or hell come to soon. 

His hand is slapped away though. 

" So, this is speed one. How about... " Kuroo starts talking, clicking the button a few times."Speed three?" The fucker smirks. 

Tsukki feels like passing out. Hes trying to grab onto something, Kuroos hair, the matress, his own hair. His hands do eventually end up just flying around the place, trying to find a place to put them. 

"I see you cant keep them to yourself. " Kuroo grins, standing up and going towards the box. Damn it. 

He pulls tape out, the dark gray, thick tape. Kuroo unsticks the end and walks over to Tsukki, grabbing both of his hands. He makes a few circles and slowly goes down, bitting the tape off.

Both Kuroo and Bokuto have sharp teeth, surprisingly both. It was expected from Kuroo, kind of. But Bokuto, really? 

Thats why their bites hurt the best and stay the longest. 

"How about i put tape on your cute mouth too? " He teases Tsukki when he continues making loud moans."Actually, i wanna listen to your pretty noises." He says, grabbing Tsukkis jaw and forcing a kiss. Tsukki barely keeps his mouth closed enough for Kuroo to kiss them. 

The vibrator is still on and Kuroo moves it around Tsukkis dick. 

He firstly puts it on the head and lets it settle for a while, until he moves it downwards. 

Tsukki lets the best sound that night. Its almost a scream, Kuroo expects it to be a loud long one, but it comes out silent, only a little sound leaves Tsukkis mouth, and his voice cracks in the process. It almost makes Kuroo come in his boxers. 

"That's it. " He says, pulling his boxers off to reveal a hard member." Im putting it in. " Kuroo says, grabbing the lube from the table. Tsukki is incredibly wet from Kuroos eating out session, but Kuroo is thick and it will hurt Tsukki and they need slickness for it to go smoothly in. 

Kuroo pushes in and its so tight he starts gasping for air. Tsukki is nowhere better. 

Kuroo is settled inside Tsukki, patiently waiting for Tsukki to stretch enough for Kuroos size. Its more thick than big, but it feels good and needs getting used to. 

Tsukki cant imagine another person taking Kuroo. Hes simply too big and Tsukki is 'used' to it. A bit. Maybe not enough. 

Tsukki cant explain how much he loves the face Kuroo makes when he pushes inside him, or when hes coming. 

The possibly most favorite thing Tsukki does that makes Kuroo looses it is definitely blow jobs. 

The way hes sucking him, using his tongue so perfectly, and the way he swallows is unbelievable. Even though Kuroo is coming when the scene happens, it makes him want to come once more right away, just to see Tsukki struggle to not let anything drip out. 

Kuroo is soon pounding inside Tsukki, fucking at a high speed. Hes lowering his head down, his intention to mark Tsukkis neck. Kuroos bitting down on his colar bones then soothing the bite with a few licks. 

Then hes sucking small marks, close to the big one he left earlier. 

Tsukki starts gasping all of a sudden. Hes close. Kuroo is wrapping his hand around the shaft, quickly going up and down while tightening a bit. 

It has Tsukki coming all over his lower stomach. 

Hes a moaning mess now, Kuroo is squeezing and his orgasm is still hitting him, its all too good. Then, Kuroo is pulling out. 

"What are you-" Tsukki starts but has no time to finish when he sees what Kuroos about to do. His stomach tightens and his abs and v-line gets more prominent. 

Kuroo is licking all the cum thats on his stomach. 

His tongue is tracing the indents of Tsukkis muscles, at the same time catching the white streaks. Tsukkis stomach is clean but Kuroo is still leaving kisses and hickeys. 

Then he proceeds taking off the tape from Tsukkis arms. 

"You didn't-"Tsukki starts to say, motioning towards Kuroos still hard dick. 

"Not yet. " Kuroo says, a sly smirk on his face. Tsukki gets the hint though. Hes quick to lower on his knees. 

" Fuck yes. " Kuroo is moaning, running his hand trough Tsukkis hair. His glasses are a bit off so Kuroo lovingly fixes them for Tsukki." Cute. " He says when Tsukki looks down, his long eyelashes dusting on his red cheeks. 

Tsukkis not the one thats shy, its just that he came twice already and hes deep throating a dick and Kuroo finds the worst moment to compliment him. 

Tsukki is lowering his head, lips stretching over Kuroos size. Kuroo puts his fingers on Tsukkis cheek and slowly trusts in, feeling his cheek bulge. 

His quickly pulling out, not even letting Tsukki to close his mouth. Kuroos coming on his face. 

Tsukkis tongue is out, lapping up the cum thats landing on it. Kuroo, of course, has bad aiming, so some of it gets onto Tsukkis cheeks, chin and nose. 

After they've both cleaned up, theyre asleep. Tsukki falls asleep , his head leaned on Kuroos shoulder. 

"Love you. " Kuroo says, removing Tsukkis glasses, putting them away on the counter. 

 

Soon, hes out too.


	3. How do you adopt a baby in four hours?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bros being bros...

"I can't believe you. " Akaashi says. 

"I didn't do anything. " Kuroo says. 

"We leave you two for three hours and what do you do? Adopt a fucking child? " His head is starting to hurt really bad now, how can someone get a child in three hours. Akaashi is gonna die. 

" I told you to keep them from doing anything dangerous. " He turns towards Oikawa, who ends up Just shrugging. 

" I had to have my beauty sleep. " He folds his arms in front of him and starts fiddling with his fingers. 

Tsukki is not amused. 

" Ill kill you Bokuto. I cant believe you. God damnit Oikawa you're the only one here thats still sane enough, how could you allow them this?" The baby in Bokutos arms, most likely around 1 year old, is listening closely to the adults talking. Its time to start speaking has come and its catching every word it hears. 

"I didnt adopt the baby, they did. " Oikawa defends himself, still playing with his fingers. Akaashi cringes. 

"Kuroo how could you? " Akaashi asks, he looks close to tears. 

" Me? " Akaashi deffinitely knows its Kuroo, he's the brain of the Bokuroo gang and it's him who comes up with all the unbelievable things to which Bokuto just agrees, brainlessly. 

"You left us alone with a high chance of risky stuff happening. Its your fault." 

"Hand me the fucking bat Tsukki, ill kill him, i promise."

"Good luck. " Tsukki says, handing Akaashi the baseball bat. Bokuto is no Kuroo but he runs pretty damn fast when hes running from Akaashi and the bat. 

"I thought we got rid of all Bokutos baseball bats?" Oikawa says to Tsukki. It's truly amusing how fast Bokuto is, firstly handing the child to Kuroo and then running upstairs, all before Akaashi catches up with him. 

"That ones his favorite, we had to keep it. " Tsukki says, too calmly. Nothing can surprise him anymore. 

" I have a question, " Mattsun says, all of a sudden appearing in the room, Makki behind him. 

" Yes, Mattsun? " Oikawa walks over to him, petting his hair and giving him a kiss on the cheek. Akaashi is back already, the bat is not in his arms. 

"I was under the impression that i called dibs on us having a child first," Mattsun says seriously, Makki agreeing behind him. 

"How many times do we have to tell you? The baby is not happening. " Akaashi almost screams, cluthcing his head. 

"Are you listening to this?" Mattsun turns to Makki, who nods. 

"Where is the bat, ill kill him next. " Akaashi starts looking around the room, surprised that Bokuto was standing behind him the whole time. 

" Hey. " Bokuto says, clutching Akaashi in his arms. His hair is messy, and theres a bruise on his neck. Akaashi deffinitely didnt hit him with the bat. 

He allows Bokutos arms to wrap around his waist. Bokuto slowly kisses his neck, still testing the waters. 

"Explain the baby. " Akaashi says, leaning against Bokuto. In front of them, everyone is still bickering about Mattsun's idea. Unbelievable. 

"Lol we're just babysitting." Bokuto says, going back to kissing Akaashis neck. Akaashis brain explodes, his eye starts twitching. 

"Want me to get the bat?" Tsukki says when Akaashi starts chasing after a running Bokuto.


	4. Will You Buy Me A House Of Gold? (intro part)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Im planning on writing a awesome fic that will literally blow my brains out. This is the first scene from it, and it will show up again when i upload the first chapter. This is like a 'preview' or smth like that. 
> 
> I love me some Brokuto and Kubro actions so i gifted myself.

"Oiii, Kurooo." Bokutos drunk voice sounded through the room. They were getting #smashed right now. Beer and liquor bottles all over the floor. Kuroo was holding a cigarette in his left amd the lighter in his right hand, ready to light it. Bokuto practically crawled over to him. "Kuroo..." He mused into his ear, kissing right underneath the lobe. 

"Here, if youre so needy. " Kuroo answered, putting the cigarette between Bokutos lips. The flame from the lighter got caught up on the tip of the cigarette, and Bokuto took a big puff so the cigarette would light up. His two fingers then grasped it and pulled it from him mouth, only to blow all the smoke in Kuroos face. "Idiottt." He yelled, grabbing Bokuto for his neck. Their lips connected, kissing hardly. 

Kisses between the pair are definitely whole lot of different than kisses between their boyfriends. Its all teeth clashing, lip bitting and drunk actions. So different. "Fuck you." Bokuto said once he pulled off, inhaling another mouth full of smoke. This time, Kuroo connected their lips before Bokuto could let the smoke out, and all the smoke went down Kuroos throat. As they kissed the smoke went out from the small gaps of their mouths, until they pulled of and the remaining smoke landed on Bokutos cheeks. 

"Damn it, Kuroo, youre smarter when youre high. This was good. " Bokuto said, leaning in for more kisses. Instead, he got a bit lip." You fucker.. " His hand went up to smack Kuroo on his head, but Kuroo was faster and grabbed it, keeping Bokuto under his hold. Kuroo kissed him and let his arms go. They wrapped around his neck, leaning in and kissing his neck. The small kisses went lower until they stopped at Kuroos colar bones. Kuroo grabbed the bottle in one hand and kept the cigarette in the other, taking a gulp from the unknown bottle. He eventually recognized the expensive liquor. 

Bokuto already made a bunch of hickeys on Kuroos chest and neck until he gave up on the tan skin there. "Kiss me." He said, kind of needy. To be honest, he kind of got bored of being the top all the time. Bokuto wanted fat dick in him damn it. 

This kiss was so fucking needy, almost like they didn't kiss for ages. Soon, the almost ended cigarette replaced Kuroos lips. Bokuto inhaled again, lifting his head and blowing the smoke out as high as he could. This action revealed his pale neck to Kuroo, who took place in marking it. 

"Tsukki... " Oikawa whispered from behind the door. The whole room was in smoke, so they weren't really noticable. The idiots couldn't probably see in front of them cause of all the alcohol." Look at them, shiiiit. Theyre so hot. " 

"I wanna fuck them so badly." Oikawa added, on which Tsukki responded with a "same". Two pretty and hot boys are making out, smoking and drinking in Kuroos room, its impossible to not feel attracted and horny.


End file.
